I don’t know dictionary , now !


I remember . yes I still remember . I think It was during high school when my father taught me how to use dictionary for the first time . I had seen him using this thick book during 1990’s often . I had seen him using it during conversation , lectures , debates or something similar . I remember I used to wonder what this thick book holds . what ever it is , it must be magical.

I was curious like any other kid during my teens and was eager to know what it was . I had not heard of word dictionary till then. then one day I asked my father . my father introduced me to this thick heavy book which he called dictionary . for the first time I held it in my hands , oh boy ! it was heavy . one big thick and heavy thing . he taught me how to use it and he taught what it holds. and I was fascinated . it was amazing . not only it was interesting to use it and but it was learning with fun .

I started using it often and I realized I had learnt a lot from it and it was magical . simply magical .now I was better in my class and in vocabulary and my English teacher was very happy with me . my father had kept that dictionary since his childhood and he asked me to keep it for my children. dictionary never expires , knowledge in it stays forever. I promised my father that yes I will keep this knowledge for future generations.

But today ! and this is 2018 , 23rd august 2018 , 3am to be precise . today its a different story all together. I am sorry father I did not keep my promise . not because I failed to use it but because this generation and future generation will not have any interest in this book . its so disheartening to see and makes me feel so bad about it that this book has lost it charm to nothing but one simple smartphone.

Today every one has a smartphone . no one wants to carry dictionary in their bags coz its heavy and its hassle to carry coz of its weight and size. now people have downloaded dictionaries in their phone which cost only few mega bytes. that’s it . carry everything in your smartphone . I too have started using it in my smartphone and I do not even look at this gift from my father which he got from his father . I have lost the skill of using it. I or we have lost so many skills in time to technology and we did not even realize it .

Technology has helped us a lot but it has come for cost . it has made us insensitive to small things which holds big importance . we have become less emotional and do not regard anything now . consider this , ever since people have started using WhatsApp they do not call , one simple free of cost text . since there is no call there is no connection which one can feel from voice. how WhatsApp has ruined our lives I will cover in next article.

But here our all time fav old friend dictionary which helped us a lot during our school days and can help today and tomorrow has lost its charm to technology. I am not against technology but I am against insensitivities . I wonder now and I am scared what will happen when robots will take over humans . will human loose emotions to each other ?well , we already have . it has already been started . and this is scary .

Its very difficult to keep love alive for someone who do not even loves you anymore. well I am the exception and doing the unthinkable . I am the living live example of how to love some one who do not loves you and funny thing is that she knows it and yet no answer. I am like dictionary . sitting in the corner but once I had importance to someone and now I am obsolete to same person.

— dolce

Will you still love me when i am not young and beautiful

Love is an undying feeling. its an emotion which is most cherished after. human can do anything to be loved and to give love. love is just so beautiful. there is no other beautiful feeling than love. we die and we live for love. we go about doing anything in our daily lives to make money but the emotions and feelings which love can provide is unmatched. we are just so busy with our regular duties, we have no time to think about others , we don’t realized that others are also humans like us. they also want to be loved and want to have everything possible which we want to have. they are no different from us. but even then we fail to realize this small thing and we failed to provide love to them.

We can’t blame anyone for the actions we take , after all it affects all of us in a way.

A lovely charming young woman wants to have a word with man who is little older than her. he lives far away from her but the feeling is mutual. the only medium of communication is Skype as he lives far away from her. she works all day and wants to talk to him in the evening, she know that man must be waiting for her to talk to her, she leaves her work in a hurry and try everything possible she can to be with him.


Why there is an urgency ?

Its because the feeling is mutual , man and woman thinks alike and they both want to be together in the evening. this moment when both of them unites , its a time which is only for them and nothing else matters. nothing else counts when two people wants to be together , no matter how much is a distance and what country they live in or what language they speak in, its an emotion which is just so beautiful. which makes us complete , it makes a man complete with a woman he wants to be with and it also makes a woman complete she wants to be with.

But how its feel when either of them is not available to talk ?

It feels terrible as its an emotions which makes us feel wanted , it makes us feel loved, it makes us feel like we are important to someone and we are loved , liked and admired by someone. and when we don’t get this feeling and emotions in return , we feel unwanted.

Young woman reaches home only to find that man is busy with something and can’t give her his time. she only know how she managed to leave work early for him and traveled across roads and streets to catch glimpse of him and to talk to him because she gives him importance. her time is important to him and she does give this part of her life to him as she has emotions for him and so as the man himself. its a kind of emotion which makes her feel more wanted,loved and admired. and when she don’t get it from a man she gives importance to, it makes her feel upset.


Its nothing but an emotion and it feels great.

Its very difficult to find someone who loves till the end , till the last breath , till the last drop of blood. very tough and very rare to find someone who stays with his or her partner till the last call. on the flip side its easier to say that any one can do it and anyone can be a man or woman every man or woman wants but we don’t do it since we take it as one of the least important thing. but ironically this is indeed the most important thing in life. someone who got love knows how lucky he and she been and someone who has been deprived from love knows how unlucky and unfortunate they have been. every man and every woman in this world wants a partner , no matter how much they say that love is the last thing i want in my life as i am very busy making my career big and running after success. its alright to have aspirations and its alright to run after success. but we do all this at the cost of love. and somewhere down the line in our hearts we always regret this missing link.

Woman has always been aspired to have a man who can take care of her and her off springs. woman needs a man who is emotionally and physically strong , she can depend on and someone who is always there for her as pillar of support.


Also woman takes care of her looks little too much than man as they want to impress man with her beauty. one thing which comes to woman’s mind quite often is that will her man would love her till the end even when she is not young and beautiful ? its easy said than done since these days its very difficult to find someone who can love woman till the end, even when she is not young and beautiful. most of the men would part ways as men always want a beautiful young lady by his side. but this is such an ordinary approach and a regular one since these kind of men always end up doing what a real man should never do.

A real man , yes a real man would love his woman even when she is not young and beautiful and this is the time when she want him the most. man needs to be there with his woman at all times no matter what happen.

Love your woman like she never been loved before, embrace her , adore her and respect her. she needs you , be a real man for her.

Dheeraj Gautam ( Dolce )

I Want An Honest Relationship.No Secrets.No Lies.No Cheating


There was a time when you loved me and you will love me again :- Dheeraj Gautam

Everything in this post are  my own personal thoughts , its not mean to hurt someone’s sentiments and are not related to anyone in person.

But it does reflect My Life,My Passion,My Love,My Conflict,My Strive,My Challenges and everything My Life been this far.Everything.

lonely_1  Love is blind and love can be foolish – our heart does not always love the   right people at the right time.sometimes we hurt the ones that love us the most and sometimes we love the ones that don’t deserve our love at all.

When you love someone you don’t think twice to be with that person. you singled out him or her out of many to spend your life with.or even if its not about life its about spending quality time ,your time is precious so its important that you invest your time with quality person who value you and your time.love can be in different forms but one thing remain common, its love for the person who you love.we can go on and on debating about love but lets say this safely that love can be stupid and love can be foolish. this happens all the time.we don’t always love the right person and at the right time. when we fall in love with someone we don’t think that its a right person or not. we only think about yes i love this person, that’s all what matters to me. many times we hurt the person who love us the most without realizing the true worth of that person.we say this casually ” so what ? i will be in love again , yes i knw ” so what if i leave him / her ? it also happens that we love the ones that don’t deserve our love at all.this happens when you blindly in love with someone and ready to fight against any odds just to be with that person, but he/she fails to realize your true value or your worth.at some point when they loose you that’s when they realize that they have committed a big mistake.


Best Relationships : talk like best friends , play like children , argue like husband and wife , protect each other like brother and sister.

A true relationship does have all these qualities and has all the ingredients to make your life pain and gain.when two people unite together with body and soul they inculcate the qualities of  all different forms of relationships known.they talk like best friends , they go around chatting on different issues and anything to discuss under the sun will do for them.they play like children,the way they played once in their childhood without worrying about this world where they were only with their toys and it was their small world.in best known relationships  they argue like husband wife.husband wife always have issues to deal with.when they decide to spend their entire life with each other , they also prepare themselves for the worst and for the good.true relationship is also like husband and wife who fight on every issue possible but also stay together with each other.brother is always there for his sister. like me , i am always there for my sister anytime she needs me i leave everything for her just to be with her the moment she needs me the most. i make sure that i am with my sister in the time of crysis and joy and she has my protection.being in relationship which is as true as this one and pure as this is only like brother and sister where both do whatever it takes to make each other valued.


I’ve always been afraid of losing the people i love. sometimes i wonder , is there anyone out there afraid to lose me ?

This is so true in my case. and this could be my biggest fear. i got no fears and can fight anything which comes my way but i do have fears of losing people i love and when i do i become very weak.though i am strong in all aspects but it does make me weak and make me give an excuse that “i am only human”. may be its not the right way to deal with the situation or may its the only way to fight the odds to still keep the hopes alive and yet again to live on the excuse that “its not over till its over for me”. i don’t know but i do wonder that if i love someone so much irrespective of what i get is there anyone in this world who afraid to lose me ? is there anyone who loves me more than anything else ? is there anyone who cares for me or think that i am the only one for her ? is there anyone who think of me day and night only want to be with me or can travel miles and miles just to be with me ? is there anyone who has the strength to take any pain only to make me happy and ready to make sacrifise ? is there anyone who feels pain when i am in pain and feels joy when i am happy ? may be the answer is negative or it can positive. i don’t want to make things right or wrong , i want my focus to be on if i am right or wrong. i should not wait for right woman to come into my life i should focus on making myself right. because if i am right i will make my world right and when my world is right ,right people will come into my world.this is how i feel and act on my instincts but i also keep the hopes alive since “its not over till its over”

RelationshipQuote  The ones who love you will never leave you .even if there are hundred reasons to give up , they will find one reason to hold on.

I never left her , i never did. even months after break up if she asks me today if i still loved  her , i will reply with “i never stopped”. may be there are hundred of reasons for her to give up on me i only need one reason to be with her again.

  • Months after they broke up, he asked her if he’s ever crossed her mind …she replied with “you never left it”. she asked him if he still loved her…he replied with “i never stopped”.

I don’t need to say much.


A real man

A Real Man is woman’s best friend. he will never stand her up. and never let her down.he will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day. he will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do ; to live without fear and forget regret. he will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give into her most intimate desires. he will make sure she always feels as though she’s the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident , sexy , seductive and invincible.


My heart beat says – I Love You



Even before god gave me life,even before i took my first breath,even before i started walking on my toes and even before i spoke my first word –  God gave me you.

On the death bed ,here i am in the hospital breathing my last breath,tears in my eyes ,i can’t move ,i can’t see properly ,i can’t even breathe properly ,but i am still alive ,here i am on the bed waiting for someone.

I can see my friends around me , my parents ,my sister ,brother uncle and aunt but why i can’t see you ,i can’t see you since you are not here ,i can’t see you since my eyes are looking for you but even then you are hard to find.these are the last moments of my life that’s what the doctor said,i heard him saying this to my family.he don’t want me to know this but i know even if he don’t tell me ,its me who is going through this all pain and suffering ,i know how much i am hurt ,i know how much of it is curable,i may live ,i may not live but my love for you will remain alive forever.

All this suffering may have become small if i had seen you here,your smile to die for which i always wanted to see on your face, one look at your face was good for me to make my day,your shining bright eyes were strong enough for me to enlighten my day.one kiss from you had the power to keep me energize the entire day,a warm hug was  almost curable to any pain i suffer from.i need all this baby, i need you tonight.i am here on the bed in the hospital waiting for you and only you, my heart beat says i love you ,but why i can’t see you.come to me honey ,come to me ,i am dieing here.taking my last breath,hoping these will last long enough for me you to see one time,just one time.all this pain will disappear if i just see you one last time,i may not return to you after this but atleast i will die in peace.i want to die in your lap rather here on this bed,holding your hands like the way i held it this far.there is no peace in this world better than holding your hands right next to my heart which says all the time i love you.

It was my girl friend’s birthday and i decided to make a surprise visit to her.this was the day i had waited for a year since her last birthday when i was not with her.i can’t imagine i missed her birthday so many times, i was not ready to miss it this time.i had made plans for her that how i am going to surprise her ,how i am going to give her a present and will kiss her and hug her ,embraced her in my arms and will say those magical words , i love you baby.

I was really excited with all this and was in full of joy since it was her birthday and i was seeing her after a long time,she was not expecting me to come by but i just wanted to give her a surprise.i booked my plane tickets and decided to leave two days before her birthday to be there on time on her birthday, i had to buy gift for her from her city so i planned everything in advance ,booked my tickets ,spoke to my dear friend and told her about my plans ,she agreed to take part in it since she was also excited to see me after a gap and this all was supposed to be lot of fun.

The day came when i had to board the flight i spoke and told my parents about it ,they gave me their much needed wishes and i left my home early in the morning since i had a flight at 4 am.

Yes my girl friend lived in another city and me in different but even then we kept our love alive since we were truly ,madly and deeply in love with each other.the connection ,the energy ,the spark,passion ,love and respect was there in our relationship and it was on the high at all times.

All this made me not to wait any longer and to give her a surprise on her birthday.i boarded a taxi and reached the airport in no time.all this through while travelling to the airport ,memories of our time spent together flashed in my mind and in no time i was at the check in desk ,checked in my luggage ,got the boarding pass and in no time i was in the plane.

The plane took off , i was just so happy and so excited to see my baby again,wanted to kiss her so bad,wanted to hug her tightly in my arms.just wanted to see how happy she is going to be when she will see me in her arms.nothing beats the smile on her face which has always made me happy,always gave me energy.i just loved her so much.

Window seat in the airplane was something i always wanted to have.i have always enjoyed the window seat since it allowed me to look outside,the sun ,the moon ,the earth at night looked amazing and breath taking.

I remember looking outside the window.enjoying the view but then something unthinkable happened.i saw two flash light coming down from the sky ,two big balls of lights coming straight on to the earth,i could not see properly what it was or what caused it since the plane was in the clouds at the high altitude.i remember seeing a kind of volcanic eruption in the sky or may be some kind of giant metal ship hovering right on top of the plane.it was not a disc and it was not a cigar shaped ship it was a huge triangle.a big one ,never before i had seen this kind of thing.all my imagination went blank ,i failed to think anything ,i failed to sense  when a spectacle like this happened right in front of my eyes.i remember passengers in the plane screaming and in panic ,it was painful to see all this since we were right in the mid air and not on earth.we wanted to land safely on earth.

It felt like the space ship was shooting at the surface of the earth, i guessed the plane descended a little i could felt it.now we were below the clouds and were able to see the surface but this ship was still on top of us ,it was so big that it blocked the sunlight and the earth surface beyond it went all dark.what is this happening ,i asked myself ,i looked around but no one was in the condition to answer my question.every body was panicking in the plane, i guess so as the pilot because i could felt his tension,the plane was not stable anymore.

We had no idea where we going to land since there was no airport we were flying on top of the mountains ,where are we ? what’s going to happen to us ? what are these things? why all this is happening ? i had so many question but no one to answer those.i had no idea where to look at ,what to do ?

I realized that its not only the ship which was shooting at the earth but also humans firing back to the ship.i saw a ballistic missiles hitting the ship from the surface and a loud noise of boom,the sound was so huge that it shaked the plane violently.it seemed like humans were firing all kind of weapons back to the ship.i saw army jets flying right at the ship and doing acrobats in the mid air to dodge the laser beams from the ship.it was war between aliens and humans which was happening right now ,right in front of my eyes in the mid air.and we were all trapped right in the middle of this war.

Soon i felt like i have lost sense of fear in my mind.i thought about my girl friend ,i knew the end was near, there was no way that we were able to come out of this war alive , we were right in the middle of the war and any missile could have hit the plane anytime.i thought of my baby that how bad its going to be for her and for me that i died like this and she will never know about it since she never knew that i was flying to her to give her a birthday surprise.she will never come to know that the plane which got caught in the middle of the war was the plane i which i was flying.i spoke to god one last time and prayed and wished my girlfriend all the happiness in the world,may be it was my destiny to have it end like this though i never wanted but may be it had to end it like this.memories flashed in my mind the time which we had spent together.

In the middle of the plane shaking violently i opened my carry bag and took out the picture of my girl friend and looked right into her eyes.i prayed to god that please keep this smile alive on her face and today at this very moment i am taking away all her pain.i looked outside with her picture in my hand ,i see a light shining brightly coming right to the plane,it was a ballistic missile launched from the earth surface to shoot down the airplane ,i knew this is the end ,i closed my eyes and a loud noise boom.

It was the year 2012,the year of alien invasion.

I opened my eyes ,i was on the bed in the hospital , i realized this was my place since i saw my people when i opened my eyes.my eyes were heavy and i was in pain and i could not breathe.i heard doctor saying that i will not live long and will die soon because of my injuries.it looked like i was the only survivor in the plane accident since i saw the flashing lights of the cameras right at the door of my ward with the security ,my miraculous escape was the national news .every body thought i am still alive because i was lucky i thought god gave me the reason to escape for few more moments.there was a reason why this all happened.

But i am also human,i cried ,more than my pain it was the pain of not being with my girl friend,it was the pain of not being with her in my last moments ,i thought it was all in vain when i know that i have few moments to go and she is not here with me to hold my hands.pictures of my life with her and events on the plane ran in my mind like a movie.

I looked around , i saw my family ,my uncle aunts,sister ,brothers ,cousins every body and i also saw her .

She was here ,she was here, right here with me ,my eyes opened wide to take a good look,my heart beat ran fastly and i started breathing again heavily.yes she was her ,she was really here , i saw her coming to me slowly and slowly ,her face also got visible to my eyes and her smile which i could have died for was there.she came near to me right next to my ear and said ‘Baby you wanted me to be with you ,here i am honey and will be here with you till your last breathe.’ This is all i wanted to hear ,i was in peace now ,i was so much in peace and joy ,i felt my pain disappearing from my body there was no stress and no tension in my mind because now i knew for sure that my baby also loved me. i looked at her face ,her eyes were wet ,she was not ready to smile but she kept it for me,it was tough i know ,tough for me also to see her cry.

i rest her head right next to my heart to make her listen to my heart beat which says – I LOVE YOU.

I closed my eyes and i was in peace.

For her it was an ACCIDENT – To me it was my DESTINY

An old man ,frail looking , not walking with the help of a stick , with a cell phone in his upper pocket ,comes to Finsbury Park,sits on a bench and does nothing,he just sits there from morning to evening.he carries a bag ,in which he got a bottle of milk,three sandwiches,a newspaper,a bottle of water,a pen , a notepad and couple of eye glasses.he just sits there with all these items in his bag from morning to evening and don’t move till 6 pm.who is the man ? why is he here ? what makes him do this everyday? is he normal or abnormal? or is he waiting for someone ?

These are the questions which always used to pop up in my mind everytime when i used to see this man at Finsbury Park.he always encouraged me to ask questions with his daily routine.but i never had a courage but one day i did get an oppertunity.

Not long ago when i was in London,i used to live in Finsbury Park.Finsbury Park is an amazing neighbourhood to live in.it has a huge commercial park for people which is also known as Finsbury Park.since Finsbury Park is quite big the entire locality got a name under this park.i had great time staying here since it was really nice neighbourhood with everything available and nice people and yes offcourse not to forget a huge park.

I was in the habbit of going to the park and jog for about an hour.it was really nice since it had made my entire day and i always felt like full of energy at work throughout.

This was the time in the morning when i used to see this old man coming to the park and sit on the bench ,he used to stay there for long period of time.well i never had any idea for how long he stayed there since morning but i was told by people that this man stays here since morning till evening.

It was amazing ,i was here in this locality for quite sometime now but  i had never seen  a man with this mental toughness and at this age , i guess the way he looked like he must be about 70 plus.Either winter ,rain ,summer or spring but this man never missed a single day to come to Finsbury Park.

There are plenty of old folks used to come to the park for walking at night or in the morning but this one stayed in my mind for his unusual attitude.he really intrigued me and others also,where others decided not to speak to this old man and left him on his own i decided to walk up to him and talk.

I had this in my mind for quite a long time but i never got courage to speak to him coz i was hesitant. but i knew the day will come and i will ask him the question i had in my mind for so long.i had not to wait for too long and the day came when i got a chance to talk to him.slowly and slowly i approached him,i was breathing heavily and was tense.

I sat right next to him, he looked at me and i looked right into his eyes.for some reason i cud not get my eyes off him,his eyes were still so young ,it felt like that his eyes were dieing to shed tears or were waiting for someone.he looked at me, deep into my eyes and i looked into his. i smiled at him and he smiled too.

Even before i asked him a question he said

OLD MAN :- You must be thinking who i am and what i am doing here ?

ME :-  ‘Yes sir you are right ‘

OLD MAN:-  ‘I am staying here in this locality for a very long time now and i have lived here ever since i met my girlfriend.

i was kind of confused i said ‘what sir what ?

OLD MAN :-  ‘I had a girl friend who i loved from the bottom of my heart, i loved her so much that i left everything for her to be with her.she was the only one i loved in my entire life, i loved her till eternity.we had so many plans , we planned about our future,we planned about our kids and everything one couple would plan for.we were committed to each other ,we were loyal,honest and faithfull to each other .

ME :-  ‘Sounds really nice to me ‘so she must be very happy with you right ,since she got a man who loved her so much ,right ‘ ?

OLD MAN :-  ‘She is not with me son ‘.

I was like ok, what’s going on here .

ME :-  ‘Oh ok ! what happened then ?’

OLD MAN :- ‘ One day she left and left me a message which reads ‘It was an accident .you and me meeting together was an accident.she left me here all alone to fight against all odds and i am still waiting for her ,because i knew she loved me too and i still love her ,my love for her never fainted and it grew more and more and more with every day and every night. she left me, son.

I was in the state of shock i did not know how to react what to say ,what to do.

OLD MAN :- ‘ But i don’t blame her son,may be i was not the guy for her ,she  married to someone offcourse ,i always wanted to see her happy and fine ,i don’t know where is she now but all i want her to be happy and fine where ever she is.

My throat was chocked and i was speechless ,i saw a man who was in love and still in love with the girl he lived with ages ago and he is still with her.

OLD MAN :- ‘Our love story started right here on this bench when one day she came here and sat right next to me ,right here on this bench we smiled and kissed each other , right here on this bench we hugged and planned for future,this is the bench where it all started son,this is where it all started and this is where she left me a note ,but i still believe that one day my baby will come to me and will see how much i loved her.i never wanted anything in life but her and her happiness but she left me with my share of happiness, sweet memories to cherish ,the time i spent with her will here to stay with me forever.i come here on this bench every single day since i know that she is still here right next to me on this bench and watching me the way she used to do it.

I could not stop there for long next to the old man , i walked away from him silently without saying a word , i knew that his wait will never be over and he is happy being in this condition since he loved one woman and could not loved another,he was so loyal and faithful that he still come to the same place where he met her and still believe that she will come to him.

It was 6 pm and i saw this old man walking away from the bench slowly and slowly ,slowly slowly he fades away from my eyes ,i knew, it was the time for him to go home and reboot himself for another day where he will come again and sit on this bench for the entire day where he met his sweetheart ages ago.For his sweetheart it was an accident but to him it was his destiny.