I must leave now – i see you in space

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tunnel+light

 

My grand mother told me once that when we die we become star. ever since i look up in the sky and try to find my loved ones,but there are far too many stars in the sky to identify which belong to me. millions of people have died ever since but i failed to understand the reason why, i failed to understand why we become stars and populate the sky only to shine at night like this.it appears to me people who die they keep an eye from above on their loved ones to check if they are alright. i failed to talk to them and as i can not communicate with them i become restless. communicating with lived ones here solves no purpose to me . we have eyes but we don’t see, we have ears but we don’t listen, we have heart but don’t feel emotions,we have brain but we don’t use it, we have body but we don’t feel pain.

Is this what i had signed up for when i was born ? i had thought different, i had dreams in my eyes, i had so many dreams, i had so many wishes for others,i had so much love in my heart, i had so much joy and happiness to deliver.but to who and for whom ? all in vain and futile.people i loved and cared they did not love me back, people i supported i did not get any support from them, i helped others but got nothing when i approached for help, when others were hungry i gave them my food and when i had no food no one gave me any food to eat. i shared my clothes with you and left my body naked and had scars and wounds but i made sure that you will not have any wounds and scars on you but when i felt need for clothes you left me naked and i became ugly and alone.

Why did you do this to me ? i need answers.

God had told me world is a beautiful place to live which he created , yes i still remember today. but now i feel cheated. how could you do this to me God ? why ? what wrong had i done ? you looked deep into my eyes i remember , you gave me dreams which i had kept alive in my eyes till today. you placed your hand on my forehead and told me that my dreams and wishes will come true, i was smiling i remember, i was a toddler then , was not able to speak ,not able to walk , not able to think but yes i was able to feel, i felt the emotions in my heart , i felt love and desire to help others. but now i know you gave me all false information and you cheated on me. how could you do this to me God ? why ?

Now you have no answers because i know you will say its my fault. i am the part of this heard , i know this is what you will say.i know you can not change anything now.i know you are helpless and you have gone old too,you have no strength to carry on.you are weak just like us Humans. you left me here on this planet earth to create a difference but i alone can not do much, i am so caught up in this web which is so sophisticated its hard for me to solve, its a riddle , its massive and its huge , i am small man and i can’t solve it , no i can’t.

I want to get rid of these miseries now , i want to go away from all the worries, i want to stay away from pain and sorrow because i can not take this anymore, i can not god , i can not. i have seen enough and i know nothing is going to change here , where people kill each other and divides the nation and stay happy being divided.i can not live here because people are selfish in love and don’t think about those who loved and cared and dedicated their lives. i don’t want to live here because people feel no pain anymore and emotions are not felt, i can not live here because people turn blind eye to in justice and do not listen to cries for person in need.i can not live in such place and i do not belong here , seriously i don’t.

So why worry about MH370 , Ukraine crisis , Russian military and Turkish revolts. Why worry about staged elections and manipulative media.  why worry about plane crashes , train and car accidents,. why worry about hungry people and number of diseases.

Its time for me to leave and yes its final hour now. my departure will not cause a cry as no one cares,my journey is long but i know its the end result and its the only solution.

As someone said correctly ”change what you can , accept what you can’t and know the difference”.

I tried to change but nothing happens and i know nothing will happen so why change but i am also not ready to accept.

As someone said correctly ”Control what you can , leave what you can not”.

Yes what i do or what i do not do is in my control and i know what to do. i am doing what’s in my control and i am leaving behind what i do not want to control.

i want you and everyone to have a happy life. God cheated with me but i hope God has not done the same to you and others.

But its time for me to leave – I see you in space.

you are not happy

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I love her so much but i have been very selfish.i love her from the bottom of my heart but i have been very irresponsible,i love her so much that i keep on thinking about her but even then  i don’t take actions.

She know that how much i love her. she know i don’t even think of any other woman but her. she know that i am going to be with her only,i am one woman man, which makes her happy but even then why she is unhappy ?

The problem is with me or with all those men who are like this.any woman is man’s biggest strength then why do man fail to realize its importance.

Universe decided our fate already that we are destined to be together.but are we really ? if things go like this probably we will never be together.i am in love with her but she is so far ,even then our love is still alive.still has a spark which can ignite it to the new high.so happy to have you with me baby.so happy to be a part of my life.but why i make u upset all the time ? may be i am not worthy for you ,may be i am not good enough for your love,may be i am not strong enough to fight against all odds to get you.but this is not true.a true lover is the one who fights for his love.who kicks this world to be with his only love ,a woman he loves all this time to be with her to enjoy this moment.

I am your true lover honey. i just wana be with you, i can’t even think of any other woman but you.ever since i met you its only you in my mind and in my heart.i have always said that you brought love in my life again.there was a time when i was alone and lonely after my break up with my then girl friend who i thought will marry.but i guess universe had something else to offer.its no coincidence or luck that we got each other.it was here since the beginning.every step i took in my life was slowly and slowly taking me to you.every thing i did ,every step i took was it to lead towards you.its still ongoing and it will never end.its a journey which not only me and but you too will have to complete.we will go together on this journey.

Men does take actions which makes their women unhappy.men can’t live with women can’t live without them either.i can’t do without you either honey.i just can’t.i know what’s killing you from the inside and i also know its the same which is also killing me from within.i wish if i could tell you what i wanted to tell you but this is not the time , this is the time to let you know,when the time is right you will know.

Every men when takes some action ,he takes it for a reason.he takes with a purpose.some of the actions he takes may get failed some he wins.some of his actions makes his woman happy some unhappy.it depends what”s the ratio of his actions which makes her happy or unhappy.if the actions he takes which makes his woman happy is more than those which makes her unhappy ,its still alright ,a woman can live with it.what about when a man takes actions which makes his woman mostly unhappy.there is a problem.there is a problem indeed.either with  a man or with his actions.

I don’t want to tell my woman that what i am or what i can do since at the end of the day it all comes down the actions you take.have i took any actions which had made my lady happy. i guess no.god is watching and he will punish me when the time is right.i am already getting punished by god.but i will not let my girl getting punished by me. i will not let any pain,sorrow come near her.i will fight really hard to make her happy to give her what she deserve,The best.

Baby you are mine and i am your’s.i wana give you the best in life.i want to give you the most out of life.but i am also human.i guess i should think that i am a super human so that i come down on to the level of humans.

I am not your dream man honey .perfect human don’t exist on this planet , they just don’t.but may be i will be strong enough to be with you as someone who loves you perfectly.i am only your’s and you are mine.i love you the way i loved you ages ago.i will love you forever the way i loved you this far. we have been together for so long now ,there is no room for error or doubt that how deep is our love for each other.but we both are humans ,the day one of us patience run out ,its going to end of our love story.both of us will suffer deeply.both of us will cry together both of us will go deep into the darkness.

Your man is strong baby , your man is with you always.but you are not happy.