You still live in me ” because i just love you ”

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break up

Every morning when i open my eyes one dream close its door.i try to recall the path but fail always. i wonder what is this for when i do not know why i should be at the door ,knocking. i have no idea what i will find beyond when it will finally open. i saw dreams once but i never planned it. i saw dreams of i and you holding hands together but i never planned it. i wanted to be in love and i was in love but i never planned it. i had vision and i saw the future where i and you held each other hands but i never planned it. when i was with you i had my dreams alive and when you kissed me for the first i lived my dreams. it was a moment which i can not forget, its a moment which left me dead yet alive because i knew that it will live forever in me. always here to stay in my mind body and soul. always there to shine on me when i am down and see no one around. i know it there and i know its here.

Your eyes which i adored and it was the smell of your body which made me blossom. the touch of your skin gave me intense love and the pores on my skin exuded enough sweat which was wet and as it got caught with your skin and your body , my body was dieing to become one and yes we were one. the kiss on the cheek , a lick on the tip of your nose, a little on the tip of your upper lip and a lick on your tongue. its a moment which gave me my soul mind and body back. i held you in my hands like i had found air again to breathe and i was not ready to die , now i wanted to live. yes i wanted to live , i saw a dream which i wanted to come true.

Seriously i still live for you, seriously i still breathe for you, my every second , every minute , every hour and every day is for you. seriously i love you so much and i never loved anyone so much and i want to love you again because i know i can not live without you.

I know , i know things are different now and you show no love to me but i know love is never short lived for some and for some it lives forever. i know yes i know you love someone else now but it will never me be , yes its a truth. i lived all this while only for you baby , only for you i have a soul and blood in my body. only for you i have motivation in me and an objective. only for you i live my life and i know only for you i will die because i know i love you so much like i have never loved anyone before.

You will always live in me, you will always shine on me , you will always breathe with me, my blood is for you and every drop of it speaks your name.

Oh Honey ! i am not crazy , i am not insane , i am not stupid and i am not half wit.

I am only in love, i love your soul , i love your body and i love your heart. i love everything about you because my answer is simple.

I just love you  !

What else i can say and what else you can expect from a person who love someone so much but i do not know why , why i failed miserably so much in love. may be i am not good enough to love someone , may be i am not good enough to live my dreams for someone , may be i am not good enough to protect someone but i know , i know that i am good enough for you.

Because my answer is simple – You still live me ” because i just love you ‘‘.

I must leave now – i see you in space

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tunnel+light

 

My grand mother told me once that when we die we become star. ever since i look up in the sky and try to find my loved ones,but there are far too many stars in the sky to identify which belong to me. millions of people have died ever since but i failed to understand the reason why, i failed to understand why we become stars and populate the sky only to shine at night like this.it appears to me people who die they keep an eye from above on their loved ones to check if they are alright. i failed to talk to them and as i can not communicate with them i become restless. communicating with lived ones here solves no purpose to me . we have eyes but we don’t see, we have ears but we don’t listen, we have heart but don’t feel emotions,we have brain but we don’t use it, we have body but we don’t feel pain.

Is this what i had signed up for when i was born ? i had thought different, i had dreams in my eyes, i had so many dreams, i had so many wishes for others,i had so much love in my heart, i had so much joy and happiness to deliver.but to who and for whom ? all in vain and futile.people i loved and cared they did not love me back, people i supported i did not get any support from them, i helped others but got nothing when i approached for help, when others were hungry i gave them my food and when i had no food no one gave me any food to eat. i shared my clothes with you and left my body naked and had scars and wounds but i made sure that you will not have any wounds and scars on you but when i felt need for clothes you left me naked and i became ugly and alone.

Why did you do this to me ? i need answers.

God had told me world is a beautiful place to live which he created , yes i still remember today. but now i feel cheated. how could you do this to me God ? why ? what wrong had i done ? you looked deep into my eyes i remember , you gave me dreams which i had kept alive in my eyes till today. you placed your hand on my forehead and told me that my dreams and wishes will come true, i was smiling i remember, i was a toddler then , was not able to speak ,not able to walk , not able to think but yes i was able to feel, i felt the emotions in my heart , i felt love and desire to help others. but now i know you gave me all false information and you cheated on me. how could you do this to me God ? why ?

Now you have no answers because i know you will say its my fault. i am the part of this heard , i know this is what you will say.i know you can not change anything now.i know you are helpless and you have gone old too,you have no strength to carry on.you are weak just like us Humans. you left me here on this planet earth to create a difference but i alone can not do much, i am so caught up in this web which is so sophisticated its hard for me to solve, its a riddle , its massive and its huge , i am small man and i can’t solve it , no i can’t.

I want to get rid of these miseries now , i want to go away from all the worries, i want to stay away from pain and sorrow because i can not take this anymore, i can not god , i can not. i have seen enough and i know nothing is going to change here , where people kill each other and divides the nation and stay happy being divided.i can not live here because people are selfish in love and don’t think about those who loved and cared and dedicated their lives. i don’t want to live here because people feel no pain anymore and emotions are not felt, i can not live here because people turn blind eye to in justice and do not listen to cries for person in need.i can not live in such place and i do not belong here , seriously i don’t.

So why worry about MH370 , Ukraine crisis , Russian military and Turkish revolts. Why worry about staged elections and manipulative media.  why worry about plane crashes , train and car accidents,. why worry about hungry people and number of diseases.

Its time for me to leave and yes its final hour now. my departure will not cause a cry as no one cares,my journey is long but i know its the end result and its the only solution.

As someone said correctly ”change what you can , accept what you can’t and know the difference”.

I tried to change but nothing happens and i know nothing will happen so why change but i am also not ready to accept.

As someone said correctly ”Control what you can , leave what you can not”.

Yes what i do or what i do not do is in my control and i know what to do. i am doing what’s in my control and i am leaving behind what i do not want to control.

i want you and everyone to have a happy life. God cheated with me but i hope God has not done the same to you and others.

But its time for me to leave – I see you in space.

I wish she knew

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I wish she knew

I left my food and water for her when i came to know that she was sick, i went to the terrace and looked at the moon and prayed to god to make her feel better soon.

I wish she knew.

I waited waited and waited for her for hours hours and hours but she did not turn up and she sent no email no call from her. i went to bed thinking ”does she care for me anymore” ? i knew i was in love with her.

I wish she knew.

Every day and every night i thought about her, Every day and every night i looked at her photos,
Every day and every night i read her emails n texts.
Every day and every night i was growing in love.

I wish she knew.

I was in love
I am in love and
I will be in love
I will do anything to protect her,to save her.

I wish she knew

I am more stronger than ever.
I am more courageous than ever.
I got everything more in me than ever
She don’t know about it because she don’t want to know.
What ever i have become is because of her.

I wish she knew

–Dolce