My grand mother told me once that when we die we become star. ever since i look up in the sky and try to find my loved ones,but there are far too many stars in the sky to identify which belong to me. millions of people have died ever since but i failed to understand the reason why, i failed to understand why we become stars and populate the sky only to shine at night like this.it appears to me people who die they keep an eye from above on their loved ones to check if they are alright. i failed to talk to them and as i can not communicate with them i become restless. communicating with lived ones here solves no purpose to me . we have eyes but we don’t see, we have ears but we don’t listen, we have heart but don’t feel emotions,we have brain but we don’t use it, we have body but we don’t feel pain.
Is this what i had signed up for when i was born ? i had thought different, i had dreams in my eyes, i had so many dreams, i had so many wishes for others,i had so much love in my heart, i had so much joy and happiness to deliver.but to who and for whom ? all in vain and futile.people i loved and cared they did not love me back, people i supported i did not get any support from them, i helped others but got nothing when i approached for help, when others were hungry i gave them my food and when i had no food no one gave me any food to eat. i shared my clothes with you and left my body naked and had scars and wounds but i made sure that you will not have any wounds and scars on you but when i felt need for clothes you left me naked and i became ugly and alone.
Why did you do this to me ? i need answers.
God had told me world is a beautiful place to live which he created , yes i still remember today. but now i feel cheated. how could you do this to me God ? why ? what wrong had i done ? you looked deep into my eyes i remember , you gave me dreams which i had kept alive in my eyes till today. you placed your hand on my forehead and told me that my dreams and wishes will come true, i was smiling i remember, i was a toddler then , was not able to speak ,not able to walk , not able to think but yes i was able to feel, i felt the emotions in my heart , i felt love and desire to help others. but now i know you gave me all false information and you cheated on me. how could you do this to me God ? why ?
Now you have no answers because i know you will say its my fault. i am the part of this heard , i know this is what you will say.i know you can not change anything now.i know you are helpless and you have gone old too,you have no strength to carry on.you are weak just like us Humans. you left me here on this planet earth to create a difference but i alone can not do much, i am so caught up in this web which is so sophisticated its hard for me to solve, its a riddle , its massive and its huge , i am small man and i can’t solve it , no i can’t.
I want to get rid of these miseries now , i want to go away from all the worries, i want to stay away from pain and sorrow because i can not take this anymore, i can not god , i can not. i have seen enough and i know nothing is going to change here , where people kill each other and divides the nation and stay happy being divided.i can not live here because people are selfish in love and don’t think about those who loved and cared and dedicated their lives. i don’t want to live here because people feel no pain anymore and emotions are not felt, i can not live here because people turn blind eye to in justice and do not listen to cries for person in need.i can not live in such place and i do not belong here , seriously i don’t.
So why worry about MH370 , Ukraine crisis , Russian military and Turkish revolts. Why worry about staged elections and manipulative media. why worry about plane crashes , train and car accidents,. why worry about hungry people and number of diseases.
Its time for me to leave and yes its final hour now. my departure will not cause a cry as no one cares,my journey is long but i know its the end result and its the only solution.
As someone said correctly ”change what you can , accept what you can’t and know the difference”.
I tried to change but nothing happens and i know nothing will happen so why change but i am also not ready to accept.
As someone said correctly ”Control what you can , leave what you can not”.
Yes what i do or what i do not do is in my control and i know what to do. i am doing what’s in my control and i am leaving behind what i do not want to control.
i want you and everyone to have a happy life. God cheated with me but i hope God has not done the same to you and others.
But its time for me to leave – I see you in space.
Dheeraj Gautam 