I was with my girlfriend at the café , today I had to crack a news to her . I was scared to how she would react , but I was prepared and I was ready. i only had to take a deep breath , it was just so simple but i realized that it was not as simple as i thought it would be. she was waiting for something in anticipation and i knew that she was hoping for something to happen , we were looking deep into each other’s eyes, we drank our coffee together and ate chocolates. we had been together for the past four years now and we were planning for wedding and we both had great ideas, we had enjoyed an amazing sex life and she had a good job and we both were happy but all this was about to get changed. i had to tell her ,either tonight , right now or never . she will come to know about it anyway tomorrow .so why not right now ?. after a deep breath i cracked the news.
I said ” Honey i love you but my baby i have to go far away from you , i am deployed to Afghanistan for sometime , i don’t know for how long but i am hoping it won’t be long . ”
I stopped and i looked deep into her eyes , trying to read what she might be thinking at that moment , i saw her leaning back and not saying anything , she was only gazing at me , like i had cheated on her or she was expecting this to happen .
She said ” ok ” !
Just ok , why only ok ? are you ok me going far away from you ?
I held her hands in my arms and sat close to her and rested her head on my chest like a baby . i knew she was about to cry and her eyes were about to go wet. i was leaving her behind with no guarantee to return. i had no clue if i will ever see her again or i will ever return from Afghanistan. after a while as expected she started crying and she held me tight , she knew that tonight was the last night together and we were about to get separated. from tomorrow i will not be with her and she will be alone without me. she will read my letters and look at our pictures which we had clicked till today and the emails we shared and videos we made together. i wanted every second of my life with her and these last moments before departure were like last of my life. i had to be with her at any cost ,at any cost.
I was a marine in US Army . This was my first ever deployment to ground zero after training. i was only 27 years old and high in spirit and motivated. i was ready for my country . when i got this news that i am going to Afghanistan i knew i had to leave everything behind ,everything which i love had to be here at my home and i had to go away from my comfort zone to go into the zone which was deadly with one way ticket. i had to accept it , after all for a marine country comes first. it was my home and i had fight for my home , so i was ready for it . i was brave and strong and i was ready , i was ready .
The day came when i had to fly to Afghanistan , after saying good byes to my family i left for the airport , as expected i saw my woman , my lovely girlfriend at the terminal . like it was the only thing i wanted before flying , a warm hug from my baby , a kiss from my baby , her saying me ‘ i love you ‘ was the only thing i ever wanted to hear . i grabbed her in my arms and held her tight only to give her warm kiss. she was my baby , my woman , my only ever woman i ever loved so much.
She gave me a kiss and said ” you are my hero and will always be mine , no matter what , i am with you and you need to return for me”.
I said ” yes my baby , i will return for you , i promise ”.
She said ” you promise ” , seriously ?
I said ” yes ,seriously ”
She smiled and we kissed again . it was time for me to leave her and had to enter the terminal , in an hour my flight to Afghanistan had to leave. i had to go . i looked into her eyes but said nothing , i turned around and enter the terminal , i knew she was watching me going away slowly and slowly , away from her , i knew her eyes were wet , i knew that my eyes were wet too, but i never wanted to show her my emotions , i was a strong man and she had only seen me strong not weak , she had never saw me crying but today i was crying but i had to hide my wet eyes from her , i had to stay strong and stay committed to my country , the choice which i had to make , i had to choose my country first then everything else.
I was deployed to Afghanistan.
Six months later war happened.
Till now i had not heard anything from my baby , my girlfriend . i had no idea how she was , i wrote many letters to her and sent her emails but i got no response. but i had to focus on my duty , a duty towards my nation. i forgot all about her and fought bravely , i lost many friends in the battle as we fought all possible threats in Afghanistan. it was hell , or even scarier than hell. during one ambush i got three bullet wounds on my chest . it was pain like i had never experienced before. i was dying . i had few breaths left and i was only thinking about my baby . i knew death had to come sooner or later , i knew my baby will get the news sooner or later so she had to be ready for it. i was hoping that she will be fine after sometime and time will heal her wounds. but my wounds had to get healed now or i was dead. i never wanted this happen to me.
I was rescued by my fellow marines and was treated at the camps and i had survived the bullet wounds. i was not dead, i was alive but i was advised not to take part in further missions due to my injury but i was not allowed to go home either , i was preserved as a back up . i was ready for any challenge put across me , the only regret was that i was away from my woman .
One day i was eating my lunch at the camp, i got a letter from a post man . it was a letter from my woman , my girlfriend. i was amazed to see it and i was just so happy , it was like an inspiration or motivation or strength or power ,whatever you want to call it , it was like that. i left my lunch in the middle and i had to open it to read. i went inside my cabin and took a deep breath. it was a first ever letter from my girlfriend after a year of my deployment. i opened it and i read.
”Dear Michael , i know you loved me and i loved you too. you are the most handsome man i ever dated and i always wanted to be with you. you were my everything till you went to Afghanistan . i was not ready for this baby . in your absence i had sex with two guys and i am dating one of the guys now. the relationship i had with you is too much for me , i know you are strong and one of a kind man but i am an ordinary woman and i want ordinary life. i have to leave you . above all i am also scared of the society , what if you loose a limb in the battle and become handicapped ? it will be uncomfortable for me to go around with you like that. i knew i am been rude to you but i also want you to understand that i have a life without you also and i want to keep it safe . so i want to end it now. i can’t wait for you any longer and i want to continue with my life. i hope you will return safe and will find another woman who will accept you as what you are or you will become. one last thing i want you to return all my pictures back which you are carrying , i want those back, as we officially break up today.”
I was a brave man and was ready, prepared for anything. but i was not ready for this . i was shocked , completely shocked, i had promised her that i will return to her , but she could not wait for me . it was not time for me to cry , it was not time for me to be upset and sad, it was time for me to move on. i am strong man mentally and emotionally and i am a marine , i had to be tough . i accepted it and decided to take an action. she took hers now it was time for me to take mine . i stood up and came out of my cabin , met my buddies and gathered all the pictures i could find of unwanted woman . i collected about 24 of them , 24 pictures of women with clothes without clothes and mailed all those back to her with a note
” I don’t know which is yours and i don’t remember which one you are , please remove your picture and send the rest back.”
I don’t know why i became like that and i don’t know why she changed, i don’t know if i was correct in my approach or wrong. but i had to take my action . i had to take my step. she was a woman who i loved so much , she was the one who i thought was for me only for me and i was to her , but she changed and she changed completely . she could not fought for me and i was here fighting for my life for her so that i could return to her alive . i also thought she did not deserve me , all kind of things were running in my mind , may be i was not thinking right or may be i was wrong , i don’t know but i had to take my stand so i took it , now i don’t know how much i loved her then but now i love her even more because i know i had to be with her when she wanted me the most and i was not with her in those hour’s. i don’t blame her for anything since blaming will not work . i only blame myself for leaving her alone at the airport and not to turn back , not to show my emotions and my love and care to her , my eyes were wet , yes they were but i wanted her to be strong ,so i had to hide my wet eyes from her.