Shadow behind me


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I am in a room, locked from inside.its a small room, with not much in it.it has one sofa ,a television set but its not working,i don’t see anything in the room i should describe about in detail.all i see is the dark room.i am here right now,looking all around.walls are kind of worn off,looks like not been maintained for a long time.i don’t know what to do .i can’t think properly.my eyes,my eyes ! have i been sleeping till now ? i am asking myself but i don’t seem to get any answer because i have no idea how i got into this room.its amazing,i don’t even remember anything.seriously i don’t.can you help ? i need your help,hey i am asking you i need your help ! yeah no answer.i guess it was obvious not to get any answer.but why i am even saying this,may be i am just talking to myself,there is no one in the room only me oh yes i was indeed talking to myself.oh god what is this place,who got me here ? these question are killing me ,but i don’t seem to get any answer from anywhere.let me scream ,let me shout my heart out ,let me check if any one can hear me outside.

But wait i think its not a good idea,i should preserve my energy.i don’t how long i will have to stay here in this room,i don’t see any doors in it either.what’s the way out ? no windows no doors.hey wait there is something its a door,yes its a door.door but locked from inside ,i can see the lock hanging but where are the keys,where are the keys to unlock the door? i don’t see any keys around , I can’t see properly since its dark but still there is some glow in the room which let me scan. but I can’t figure out where this glow is coming from, its amazing, I am alone in this room but I don’t have sense of fear, its more like a puzzle to me than anything else. it looks like I need to solve a puzzle to go out of this room but I don’t seem to find keys and clues to solve this puzzle. may be I should walk around the room and at the corners to find some clues and to go out of this dark room ,which is certainly not a place for me.

I seems to find out a corner of the room , there should be three more like this. let me scan this area first, I will take one challenge at a time. let me go little more deep into the corner to check what I find here. hey I seems to find something , its a light and a lighter which I can use for my purpose. who put it here ? some one must have done it on purpose. is there anyone playing games with me ? looks like one. but why ? oh god! is this the kind of thing I saw in SAW movies ? no I don’t want that kind of thing. its not for me, certainly not for me, I don’t want to go through the kind of pain we saw in the film SAW. no certainly not. but let me light this light which I can use , its a blessing to me from some one.

Ok now , light is on and it works with oil , oil seems to be left in it on purpose also. now I can see better , my eyes can see better in the dark now. it looks like I can look in the corners better. I can scan this place and can find things in the dark corners. this seems to be solving purpose for me. let me walk around the room and let me get the feel of this place. this place has become a part of me now, I need to change this place and I will change myself , or is it ? am I thinking right ? or may be I should change myself and I will change the place around me which is dark . but I don’t have any hopes here since all I see is dark and this light don’t seem to be working forever , it will run out of oil soon and it will be dark again, that’s forever.

There is a television set in the room , let me go and check it out. its not working but may be I can make it work and see what happens. ok , its an old set , kind of 1970’s model but it should be working, this set is not here for nothing , it must have some relevance. it should have some importance. let me hit it and see if it works, I hit it once , twice and thrice but hey its not working. may be I am out of luck but its not for me , but may be I should try for one last time and see if it works, should I be this optimistic and hope to check if it works or not, it takes a very little effort to become successful and that’s defines a difference between a looser and a winner. may be I should define one for me now. let me hit it once again. hey ! amazingly it has started working , I see the television screen in power and its on now , its working indeed, after I was not a looser. but what am I supposed to do now ? should I wait for something to happen and till than I should watch shows on television ? should I not take any efforts to move out of this room and become relaxed and leave everything on my fate and just enjoy the television shows as I got one now to pass my time ? I don’t think its a good idea. but I should work with television a little to check what I can with it. oh well, it seems its not working since there is no connection so I can’t watch any shows. but guess what , the room is lit due to the power in the television , now I can see things more clearly and properly due to the light in the room from television, now I can understand the importance of television in the room. it was not there for me to watch the shows but to have more light in the room.

Now I can scan through the room in a better way and I can see that I have gained more confidence , I guess this is the power I wanted. a source of light which has given me more confidence , now I feel better and I know I have more strength than before. but what I should do now with this newly found strength ? should  I go through the door and see if I can open it ? may be I should do what I think is my priority . I see the door is locked from inside but I don’t have keys yet and at this place I don’t see keys anywhere. may be I should try my physical strength to open this door. but wait , what now ? the television set is switched off all of a sudden  and there is no light , everything back to where it was a while ago. its dark again and I do see the light which I had left in the corner. I can see it shining but why this now ? why and how the television set got switched off. it was working just fine. was it only there to instill confidence and strength in me ? which I have now . was it switched on only to give me hope in these hope less conditions ? I guess so , but I can feel I am more confident and strong than before when I was in the darkness.

Let me go and lift that light which I can use now . I have the light in my hand and I should go to the door to open it as soon as possible. its a wired place and its not for me I need to go out any cost. but wait it looks like there is someone inside with me in this room , and the something is behind me , I did not see anyone with me in this room , so this something is ? I have no idea and I did not feel any presence of some entity here. may be I should turn around and check if there is really some one here, but I don’t see anyone around. wait , it seems that something move as I move and changes its position and its big in size, I turn left ,it turn left , I turn right ,it turn right. is this thing playing games with me ? why ? sorry I am not interested in playing games right now, but thins don’t seem to leave me . its right behind me and do not allow me to see it.

Oh ! now I figured out , its my shadow , or may be I should say its me . its me indeed , my entity ,it my shadow, right behind me and I should not forget that it stayed with me from the beginning only I failed to realize it that it was with me at all time. in the dark or in the light it was with me . its my shadow to make feel that I was not alone in this room , my physical body had company , I was scared for no reason , I should not be scared when I know that there is someone with me to help me .

You know what , I was trying to find the key to open the door. my shadow was the key , now I know , I had to find my shadow to open the door, and now I have found my shadow , my entity , the door is open and now I can go outside to my world and yes not alone but with my shadow. no matter what leaves me in this world but my shadow my entity will never leave me, its always with me all the time in  my world or other world. its my shadow.

Life is a Gift


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I am human and i must say that i am proud of it. why  i should say something like that ,its because being human there is so much  i can do which none of the species can do on this planet earth.when we talk about human we are exceptional and gifted with so much that if we are asked to write a book on what we can do in our lifetime ,i think its going to take lifetime.when not human ,i don’t know what rest of the species crave about.may be they don’t think like this the way we think about them.may be they don’t feel the way we feel about them but yes they do see ,they got eyes and those eyes can see what humans do.may be then they think about being human,they think if they could have been human.

You know what, i tell you something ,its very simple to follow ,humans are the smartest species on this earth,there is life on rest of the planets similar to our which is like galaxies away but we have yet to make contact with them.so we can safely say that as far as we know we humans on this planet are the most intelligent species which can do anything they want.we invented so much , we created , we developed , we discovered and we are still in the process of doing it since humans are unstoppable ,this species can’t be stop,we will continue to grow and we will continue to do harm ,good to our planet earth since we will never stop.its a never ending process and only something out of this planet ,some other species which don’t belong to our planet can only stop us from doing what we are doing now or in the process.

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Ok so considering the fact that being human is the smartest choice.

I have seen people crying over in their life. people crib about the choices they make, they cry over some one else faults and they make other’s responsible for the bad happening to them. people who are educated with degrees in their shelves which probably eat dust and has become a showcase item, people who are multi talented and mature cry over things which they should not. there are two ways to learn things :- you fall and you step again not to make that mistake again or you see someone else fall and learn from their mistakes and try not to make those mistakes. no one is perfect in this world and no one would ever be . but at least we can try for perfection and yes in the pursuit of perfection we should never forget our moral values. its very important to stick to your roots and to remember where you came from.

A very interesting story about Bill Gates which i can tell you about.

Once Bill Gate’s son went to a cafe. he ate good lunch their and had nice time with friends , when a bartender came to collect the bill Bill Gates son gave him $50 tip. next day to the same cafe Bill Gates came and he also ate lunch. when the same bartender came to collect the bill , Bill Gates gave him $5 bill tip. bartender was surprised. he thought Bill Gates is the richest man on this earth even then he gave him only $5 tip on the other hand his son gave him $50 tip. why there is a difference ? he had to ask this to Bill Gates. he moved forward and asked his question ,on which Bill Gates said ” my son is the son of world’s richest man but i am the son of a wood cutter”.

The moral of a story is that no matter how much success we gain in life ,we should never forget our roots and we should never forget where we came from. its very important to stick to our roots since its our originality , its our identity. like if i go to USA, UK, RUSSIA , BELARUS OR UKRAINE or any country in the world i will always be an INDIAN. my identity will always be an INDIAN. its my root and its my originality. speaking in an accent , developing new eating habits, social behaviours , communication skills, professional lives will not change me from an INDIAN to something else. it will always remain the same till my death. i will always be an INDIAN. its with every single person on this planet as their identity will not change never. one can change their appearance ,one can change their looks or anything related to skills or behaviour but our soul will remain the same ,it will never change.

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I have seen big personalities behaving in an immaculate manner in social circle but when they are at home with the family they just like any other child.

Life is short or life is too long to live.

Its all in the attitude. but life is a gift. its a gift everyone should enjoy. for some life is too short to live , for them future is uncertain and they have fear of unknown. they have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow so they try to live in the present. there is no wrong way and no right way to look at things when it comes to living life with an attitude ,it all depends on approach. now there are people who think life is too long to live. there is always a new chance for them always a new opportunity. so they never loose their hopes and always try move forward. again there is no wrong way and no right way to look at things ,its all in the approach , how you approach life.

Is life short for for you or long ? the choice is your’s. its your call to make how you want to make your life. every one is entitled to make their own choices and every one has a free will. lets make use of that free will. lets not think about life is short or long. future is uncertain indeed. but what we do today at this moment at this very hour will decide our future and our tomorrow. the choices we make today and the decisions we take today we shape up our future. unfortunately we don’t have time machine to return in time to make amendments to make things right. so we will always learn from our mistakes. as human we will make mistakes we are bound to make mistakes. there is no human who has never failed in his life. and if there is some one who says he never failed has not achieved success.

Life is a gift, lets make use of this gift and lets enjoy this gift. imagine what changes we can make in someone else life with this beautiful gift. i want to change the world but i should change myself first and the world will change.

I cherish my gift. do you ? you should !

This Wait Seems Endless………But !


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London ,June ,1899 

It was the summer of 1899, London. i left my home for a job and the day was sunny , the sun was shining and the mood was upbeat.it was a beautiful day and i did not expect anything out of ordinary. i had no car, no cycle and i was not in a habit of using public transport since i had always liked walking alone as ”Great people walk alone”.i never liked following the crowd in the bus and going to the same place where they all are going. i always wanted to make my own path and my own way and reach where no one has reached before. i was happy this way. had no complains from anyone ,had no grudges and had no problems. i was loved by all and i was the one who stood out from the crowd in most of the occasion. so was i a celebrity ? no , I was a normal man just like others but i had one thing different , i used to carry my camera with me all the time no matter where i am going. as i had married to my camera. my camera was my second half. and that day also i was with my camera going to my work was enough for me to cook 2 times meal in a day.

While walking to my work i decided not to take my regular way that day. i don’t know why i had decided that but i guess it was my destiny ,it was in my destiny to take a turn on the left to the west side of London. i did not think about it and just took it casually. as i took left i came across a very narrow lane which was about to take me some where. it was quite narrow with walls of buildings on the left and right. kind of creepy since this passage seems untouched and very often no one used to walk through this lane. there was a fear of some kind, a fear of unknown, don’t know what but it was there. i was scared too but i was excited so i decided to follow the path to look where it leads me to. i started walking , i took left and right and then right and right again and then left again. it seemed like a puzzle to me which i was ready to solve.

After walking about 500 meters i came across a window on top right in front of me and i stopped. probably it was the most amazing site i had ever seen.so i paused where i was for a minute and had no words and my brain had stopped working. what it was ? it was a woman on the window, looking outside. she was there right in front of me. as if she was waiting for someone. was she waiting for me ? i don’t know but i was there and it seemed that she was waiting for someone to come by and this wait all seemed over for her now. i saw a smile appearing on her face. she was looking right at me and she seemed relaxed as if she was trying to say ” I was waiting for you, now you are here ,what you want to do ?” she seemed naughty to me and i was excited at the same time , how to react ? i had no clue.

It was perfect picture for me to take.

I took my camera and clicked one picture of her. she was amazing. she was beautiful , beautiful for me at least , i don’t know about rest of the world. but to me she was one of a kind. after taking her picture i smiled at her and she smiled back at me. i was happy. this all seemed like an achievement to me. and i decided to continue walking and left the zone and came out to the main road. i worked normally that day but she never left my mind , not even for a single moment. i kept on thinking about her, no matter where i was, at work and what i was doing, going through the papers or with friends i kept on thinking about her. why this was happening to me ? it never happened to me before and i don’t think that this will ever happen to me again. it was strange . i was a tough guy never to have this kind of experience but yes i had and the world i was living in had suddenly changed for me.

Yes i was in love. 

On way back to my home i again came across the same road from where i had to take left to go through that passage. is she still there ? is her window open ? is she still waiting for me ? questions came into my mind. but i was too scared to go inside and and to look at her again. what if she is not there , i will be disappointed . i decided not to keep any expectations and decided to go through the crowded road with the world on my way back to home.

I could not sleep that night. she was there in my mind all the time. this wait seems endless to me . i was waiting for the morning to come as quickly as possible because i wanted to go to work and to follow that passage again. i was expecting her to be there. i had no idea if i was wrong or right but i wanted to go , at last, next morning after my morning chores i left my home for work and zoomed to the passage and i stopped. now i was cautious and many things were running in my mind. may be i was ready for this may be not but i wanted to do this. so i decided to have a go.

After 500 meters i reached the same place at the same time and she was there. yes she was there at the window just like yesterday. she was there waiting for me , i knew she was waiting for me and i knew that she had also expected me to come by and because i had seen it in here eyes that she wanted me. i was happy . it seemed like my day had not begun without her , without her my day had gone lost. i thanked god for her being there at the window . that’s the kind of man i had become. i had emotions, i had love, i had become kind , i had soft heart inside a tough guy. it was an amazing change. i smiled at her and she smiled back. i was happy , we both were happy. this time i decided to take one step further, i made a note with my name in it and left it on the street. i was expecting it not to be there the other day. i had no clue where is the entrance to that window but i was happy this way as for now. and then i left.

Other day i followed the same passage to work and the note was not there , it was gone, so she knew my name now.  she was there again at the window looking at me. i waved to her gesturing that i admire her beauty and her being with me at this moment of my life where it all seemed frozen for me as there was no love in my life and she brought love into it.now it was a daily routine for me to go through that passage and not a single day i have found her missing. this continued like for more than a year amazingly and now i was restless to know her. i had know her name , i had to know her in person , i had to know her at any cost. i wanted to touch her and i wanted to kiss her. i wanted to make love to her but i had no idea how. i had no clue. this wait seems endless to me and to her. unfortunately in this fairytale story i never found her taking an effort to reach me and i was doing all the running. why should a man do all the work ? , sometimes its woman responsibility too. i had comfort my heart saying may be she was testing me. i had also decided since  i was a tough nut and i will not break down.

And then world war happened . the world was divided into two and there was a war . all seemed over for both of us. there were bodies , pain, crying all over the place, there was fire, flood, drought as people were hungry and all seemed lost at that moment. it was painful to see all that happening around me as i was about to begin my new life. i could not go to her passage ever again after the world war since everything in London was destroyed, i had no idea how to go to her since all i saw soldiers with automatic weapons all over the place. i was worried about her. was she alive or not ? is she dead ? is she still there ? i had no idea and i wanted to find out. i wanted to go to her but i could not. there were new rules and regulations after the world war which had divided the world completely. people had changed now, their mindset had changed, they had become different. they were more aggressive now and were itching to hurt others. there was no kindness , there was no love and there were no emotions. everything was over as this world had become cruel.

I never wanted to live in this kind of world and worried about her i had gone into depression since i could not reach her. i had fallen sick and due to my long illness i died. i still remember that when i was on my death bed i had picture of her in my mind. i had no body around me in my last moment as i was alone and she was the only one for me but i was at peace and i closed my eyes for one last time for forever.

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London , June 2009 

It was a beautiful summer day and i was getting ready to got to my college, i left my home in the morning like any other day. i like to walk so like any other day since my college was not far away from my place i had decided to walk. i had money for a car , for a cycle and for public transport but i had always enjoyed walking. may be it was a kind of morning exercise for me in the morning as it had always made me feel fresh on my way to college.

I came across a road from where i had to take left , this fateful day i had decided to take left i don’t know why , but i took left turn. i came across a passage on my way to left and yes i stopped , it seemed to me as time had frozen ,don’t know why . everything seemed stopped. it was a passage and it felt like i had walked this passage before. i had no idea why it was happening to me like this but it seemed familiar to me, have i been here before ? what is this place ? why this place seems to be so strange to me? do i know someone here ? thousands of questions came to my mind. i decided to walk and since exploration was the only way to find those answers. i turned left  and the right and then right again and left again. i came across a window on top right in front of me . it was there as i looked at the window i saw a woman who was there but she was painted as if she was waiting for someone for long. her eyes looked so alive as if she was there since ages for someone and her eyes were never been closed since then. she was very much alive. she was there at the window for someone and yes today her wait seemed over. everything from 1899 events came right in front of my eyes like a movie. that woman had never forgotten me, she was there waiting for me every day and every night . she was there for me hoping that some day i will come by again and will look at her and will smile at her. and this wait will seem over for her.

It was time for me to take my camera out of my bag to take my picture , yes i was still carrying my camera with me like before it was always with me. i clicked her and she got printed in my memory. i was happy and i was smiling , i came to her again. after more than 100 years i was there and she was still waiting for me and even today i want to know her name. i guess i will never know her name now but i don’t need to know her name. she is good enough to be without a name , she has got her own identity which does not need a name and recognition. She had been honest to me and committed to me and i had been the same to her.

This wait may have seemed endless but it had come to an end. it ended,  after more than 120 years. i was happy and she was happy to see each other again.

Not ”Observant” enough


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Man fussing …………………………………….over what ?

Came across a friend of mine few days ago who got engaged recently , I was so happy to see her , unfortunately I did not attend her engagement ceremony but I had sent my best wishes to her. it was good to see her after a long time and I was happy to see her happy ,nothing seemed strange to me until she told me something over a cup of coffee. what she told me was heart breaking and I had felt the pain which she carried all over to meet me in person since she wanted to share it with someone and she called me to meet her at centralized location. I came over expecting nothing strange and she looked alright. what she told me has encouraged me write this post .

I will not mention her name but what I can tell is that she is a charming woman , highly educated with good paid job. been friend of fine for a long time now, but due to busy schedule we don’t get an opportunity to meet. this time we got a chance to decided to meet at CP over a cup of coffee. her story is not different from others. there are men in this world who are damn insecure and got no strength to fight over this society which I simply hate and I hate men who only know how to treat woman as a showcase item. woman Is much more than that. every men desires to have a woman who is beautiful charming lovely and educated but what they do forget is a woman who they aspire for is also just another body and she is not a machine or an item and she also need an emotional support just like everyone else.

375x321_truth_about_belly_fat        My friend is only 26 and recently got engaged to a man also good looking ,handsome and money maker. it was an arranged engagement but both liked each other. soon after her engagement it was not a fairy tale , it came out to be a reality check kind of thing. her fiance started commenting on her weight. though she was not over weight just little bulky but she caught an eye of her going to be husband. this is something she never expected. he made comments on her that he being a fit guy ,he also want his woman to look fit and slim. though he did not ask for a size zero but its tough for someone who is already size 32 and you want her to become 26 and that too soon as wedding is on the cards few months after. he stressed that she need to loose weight as she must look good on wedding day. at first it looked like a motivation but soon it turned into a nightmare when he even started checking on her if she is going to the gym or not, he even started sending her articles on fitness and spoke to her regularly about it. after a point there were frequent fights in this regard. once he commented ” you have such ugly arms and I need hot wife, don’t you want to be the same for me ‘ ? now she is in a phase where she failed to understand if her going to be husband loves her for who she is . she has lost confidence in herself and she feels fat ,very fat though she is not fat and she feels that it will never change.

She cried over on this and I had tough time making her feel relax. I can understand her pain and I can understand what she is going through, after all not every men is the same, every men and every women is different , takes different approach to deal with situations. some succumb to pressure some don’t.

Most men dread the ”Do I look fat in these clothes ?” questions asked by their girlfriend’s and wives , confused whether to tell a lie to not offend them and simply tell them the truth. but some men  miss no chance to criticize their partners over weight gain and how ugly she look. these men feel ashamed of being seen with their partners at social event and public place. a woman should be a strength for her man and any woman can do it irrespective of her body ratio and looks unless man takes his woman with confidence and strong enough to be with  her under any circumstances , everything is easy. but if situations is different and similar to my friends things do become ugly.

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Little do these men know that their alleged constructive criticism can be quite damaging to their women’s emotional well – being.

In most cases when a woman gains weight , she is unhappy about it. she never feel easy in gaining weight, as long as her partner has no problem with her weight issues she is happy , the moment she feels her partner is critical about her weight ,it become difficult for a woman to deal with it. This can happen with anyone , college goers to professionals who are the part of the society are more open to their bodies emotionally and sexually now, they are more open to discussion and open to feedback of any kind in fitness and relationships. this adds to pressure as people speak and it throws a direct impact on woman or a man who has fat issues. since here we are talking about woman ,lets keep it to woman.

College goers have age insecurities and professionals have pressure from society to look good. be it a man or a woman. a man with a paunch is considered a sign of prosperity while women are expected to achieve size zero. housewives as they consider it a part of their role to satisfy their family needs and wants, and end up feeling inadequate when criticized for their weight.

Women tend to be sensitive about their physical appearance and do tend to take care of looking attractive for their partners. its very important for a men to know that women looks at themselves through their partner’s eyes.so when they hear complaints about their weight from them they are likely to feel bad. they may feel inferior and may also worry about their physical intimacy with their boyfriend/husband. on the other hand ,when criticism is taken positively , they may be motivated to lose weight and try to live up to their partner’s expectations as subsequently  they want to be accepted by them.

getty_rf_photo_of_woman_grasping_bathroom_scale                          Here are the few advices I would like to give to men.

Men need to understand that being overweight is often a vicious cycle of emotional eating. I have seen it and I understood it and I never like to put my woman under pressure of losing weight since I know if taken care properly this can be back to normal.

a ) Society is already putting women under lot of pressure and the most important person in their lives also being critical will only add to this problem. never criticize woman over weight issues. instead ,advice should be given positively. it should be a positive conversation not a criticism. it can also be said in a way which only helps woman in loosing weight as she gains weight will only invites to boredom , disease ,unhealthy life style and laziness. there are ways to say a same thing in a different manner yet deliver a right message.

b) Women need to be encouraged to stay healthy , fit and happy with all the focus not being on the weighing scale.

c) Support your partner and establish that weight need not to be equated with self – esteem.

d) Take part in activities as a couple like sports or dance which both enjoy and make keeping fit fun.

Here boyfriend’s or husbands or men need to be observant enough to their women. its very important that men should observe their women.

I do not wish to say more here since I guess men who are ignorant enough will still not understand what I am trying to say here. my friend left with a smile after talking to me that day and I hope her man will understand her soon and everything will be fine. but unfortunately it takes a lot to fight with the society you live in for your partner. here I really give a pat to myself for being different with other as I am strong enough to fight with this society for my woman. I will never and I do not wish to treat my woman like this and ever want tears to her eyes, men and woman both are strength to each other and its a responsibility of a man to stay strong with his woman under any circumstances and be with her at all times no matter what happen.

I only wish to be a pole of strength to my woman and only to instill confidence in her and to make her feel emotionally well being.