This Wait Seems Endless………But !

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London ,June ,1899 

It was the summer of 1899, London. i left my home for a job and the day was sunny , the sun was shining and the mood was upbeat.it was a beautiful day and i did not expect anything out of ordinary. i had no car, no cycle and i was not in a habit of using public transport since i had always liked walking alone as ”Great people walk alone”.i never liked following the crowd in the bus and going to the same place where they all are going. i always wanted to make my own path and my own way and reach where no one has reached before. i was happy this way. had no complains from anyone ,had no grudges and had no problems. i was loved by all and i was the one who stood out from the crowd in most of the occasion. so was i a celebrity ? no , I was a normal man just like others but i had one thing different , i used to carry my camera with me all the time no matter where i am going. as i had married to my camera. my camera was my second half. and that day also i was with my camera going to my work was enough for me to cook 2 times meal in a day.

While walking to my work i decided not to take my regular way that day. i don’t know why i had decided that but i guess it was my destiny ,it was in my destiny to take a turn on the left to the west side of London. i did not think about it and just took it casually. as i took left i came across a very narrow lane which was about to take me some where. it was quite narrow with walls of buildings on the left and right. kind of creepy since this passage seems untouched and very often no one used to walk through this lane. there was a fear of some kind, a fear of unknown, don’t know what but it was there. i was scared too but i was excited so i decided to follow the path to look where it leads me to. i started walking , i took left and right and then right and right again and then left again. it seemed like a puzzle to me which i was ready to solve.

After walking about 500 meters i came across a window on top right in front of me and i stopped. probably it was the most amazing site i had ever seen.so i paused where i was for a minute and had no words and my brain had stopped working. what it was ? it was a woman on the window, looking outside. she was there right in front of me. as if she was waiting for someone. was she waiting for me ? i don’t know but i was there and it seemed that she was waiting for someone to come by and this wait all seemed over for her now. i saw a smile appearing on her face. she was looking right at me and she seemed relaxed as if she was trying to say ” I was waiting for you, now you are here ,what you want to do ?” she seemed naughty to me and i was excited at the same time , how to react ? i had no clue.

It was perfect picture for me to take.

I took my camera and clicked one picture of her. she was amazing. she was beautiful , beautiful for me at least , i don’t know about rest of the world. but to me she was one of a kind. after taking her picture i smiled at her and she smiled back at me. i was happy. this all seemed like an achievement to me. and i decided to continue walking and left the zone and came out to the main road. i worked normally that day but she never left my mind , not even for a single moment. i kept on thinking about her, no matter where i was, at work and what i was doing, going through the papers or with friends i kept on thinking about her. why this was happening to me ? it never happened to me before and i don’t think that this will ever happen to me again. it was strange . i was a tough guy never to have this kind of experience but yes i had and the world i was living in had suddenly changed for me.

Yes i was in love. 

On way back to my home i again came across the same road from where i had to take left to go through that passage. is she still there ? is her window open ? is she still waiting for me ? questions came into my mind. but i was too scared to go inside and and to look at her again. what if she is not there , i will be disappointed . i decided not to keep any expectations and decided to go through the crowded road with the world on my way back to home.

I could not sleep that night. she was there in my mind all the time. this wait seems endless to me . i was waiting for the morning to come as quickly as possible because i wanted to go to work and to follow that passage again. i was expecting her to be there. i had no idea if i was wrong or right but i wanted to go , at last, next morning after my morning chores i left my home for work and zoomed to the passage and i stopped. now i was cautious and many things were running in my mind. may be i was ready for this may be not but i wanted to do this. so i decided to have a go.

After 500 meters i reached the same place at the same time and she was there. yes she was there at the window just like yesterday. she was there waiting for me , i knew she was waiting for me and i knew that she had also expected me to come by and because i had seen it in here eyes that she wanted me. i was happy . it seemed like my day had not begun without her , without her my day had gone lost. i thanked god for her being there at the window . that’s the kind of man i had become. i had emotions, i had love, i had become kind , i had soft heart inside a tough guy. it was an amazing change. i smiled at her and she smiled back. i was happy , we both were happy. this time i decided to take one step further, i made a note with my name in it and left it on the street. i was expecting it not to be there the other day. i had no clue where is the entrance to that window but i was happy this way as for now. and then i left.

Other day i followed the same passage to work and the note was not there , it was gone, so she knew my name now.  she was there again at the window looking at me. i waved to her gesturing that i admire her beauty and her being with me at this moment of my life where it all seemed frozen for me as there was no love in my life and she brought love into it.now it was a daily routine for me to go through that passage and not a single day i have found her missing. this continued like for more than a year amazingly and now i was restless to know her. i had know her name , i had to know her in person , i had to know her at any cost. i wanted to touch her and i wanted to kiss her. i wanted to make love to her but i had no idea how. i had no clue. this wait seems endless to me and to her. unfortunately in this fairytale story i never found her taking an effort to reach me and i was doing all the running. why should a man do all the work ? , sometimes its woman responsibility too. i had comfort my heart saying may be she was testing me. i had also decided since  i was a tough nut and i will not break down.

And then world war happened . the world was divided into two and there was a war . all seemed over for both of us. there were bodies , pain, crying all over the place, there was fire, flood, drought as people were hungry and all seemed lost at that moment. it was painful to see all that happening around me as i was about to begin my new life. i could not go to her passage ever again after the world war since everything in London was destroyed, i had no idea how to go to her since all i saw soldiers with automatic weapons all over the place. i was worried about her. was she alive or not ? is she dead ? is she still there ? i had no idea and i wanted to find out. i wanted to go to her but i could not. there were new rules and regulations after the world war which had divided the world completely. people had changed now, their mindset had changed, they had become different. they were more aggressive now and were itching to hurt others. there was no kindness , there was no love and there were no emotions. everything was over as this world had become cruel.

I never wanted to live in this kind of world and worried about her i had gone into depression since i could not reach her. i had fallen sick and due to my long illness i died. i still remember that when i was on my death bed i had picture of her in my mind. i had no body around me in my last moment as i was alone and she was the only one for me but i was at peace and i closed my eyes for one last time for forever.

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London , June 2009 

It was a beautiful summer day and i was getting ready to got to my college, i left my home in the morning like any other day. i like to walk so like any other day since my college was not far away from my place i had decided to walk. i had money for a car , for a cycle and for public transport but i had always enjoyed walking. may be it was a kind of morning exercise for me in the morning as it had always made me feel fresh on my way to college.

I came across a road from where i had to take left , this fateful day i had decided to take left i don’t know why , but i took left turn. i came across a passage on my way to left and yes i stopped , it seemed to me as time had frozen ,don’t know why . everything seemed stopped. it was a passage and it felt like i had walked this passage before. i had no idea why it was happening to me like this but it seemed familiar to me, have i been here before ? what is this place ? why this place seems to be so strange to me? do i know someone here ? thousands of questions came to my mind. i decided to walk and since exploration was the only way to find those answers. i turned left  and the right and then right again and left again. i came across a window on top right in front of me . it was there as i looked at the window i saw a woman who was there but she was painted as if she was waiting for someone for long. her eyes looked so alive as if she was there since ages for someone and her eyes were never been closed since then. she was very much alive. she was there at the window for someone and yes today her wait seemed over. everything from 1899 events came right in front of my eyes like a movie. that woman had never forgotten me, she was there waiting for me every day and every night . she was there for me hoping that some day i will come by again and will look at her and will smile at her. and this wait will seem over for her.

It was time for me to take my camera out of my bag to take my picture , yes i was still carrying my camera with me like before it was always with me. i clicked her and she got printed in my memory. i was happy and i was smiling , i came to her again. after more than 100 years i was there and she was still waiting for me and even today i want to know her name. i guess i will never know her name now but i don’t need to know her name. she is good enough to be without a name , she has got her own identity which does not need a name and recognition. She had been honest to me and committed to me and i had been the same to her.

This wait may have seemed endless but it had come to an end. it ended,  after more than 120 years. i was happy and she was happy to see each other again.

Not ”Observant” enough

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Man fussing …………………………………….over what ?

Came across a friend of mine few days ago who got engaged recently , I was so happy to see her , unfortunately I did not attend her engagement ceremony but I had sent my best wishes to her. it was good to see her after a long time and I was happy to see her happy ,nothing seemed strange to me until she told me something over a cup of coffee. what she told me was heart breaking and I had felt the pain which she carried all over to meet me in person since she wanted to share it with someone and she called me to meet her at centralized location. I came over expecting nothing strange and she looked alright. what she told me has encouraged me write this post .

I will not mention her name but what I can tell is that she is a charming woman , highly educated with good paid job. been friend of fine for a long time now, but due to busy schedule we don’t get an opportunity to meet. this time we got a chance to decided to meet at CP over a cup of coffee. her story is not different from others. there are men in this world who are damn insecure and got no strength to fight over this society which I simply hate and I hate men who only know how to treat woman as a showcase item. woman Is much more than that. every men desires to have a woman who is beautiful charming lovely and educated but what they do forget is a woman who they aspire for is also just another body and she is not a machine or an item and she also need an emotional support just like everyone else.

375x321_truth_about_belly_fat        My friend is only 26 and recently got engaged to a man also good looking ,handsome and money maker. it was an arranged engagement but both liked each other. soon after her engagement it was not a fairy tale , it came out to be a reality check kind of thing. her fiance started commenting on her weight. though she was not over weight just little bulky but she caught an eye of her going to be husband. this is something she never expected. he made comments on her that he being a fit guy ,he also want his woman to look fit and slim. though he did not ask for a size zero but its tough for someone who is already size 32 and you want her to become 26 and that too soon as wedding is on the cards few months after. he stressed that she need to loose weight as she must look good on wedding day. at first it looked like a motivation but soon it turned into a nightmare when he even started checking on her if she is going to the gym or not, he even started sending her articles on fitness and spoke to her regularly about it. after a point there were frequent fights in this regard. once he commented ” you have such ugly arms and I need hot wife, don’t you want to be the same for me ‘ ? now she is in a phase where she failed to understand if her going to be husband loves her for who she is . she has lost confidence in herself and she feels fat ,very fat though she is not fat and she feels that it will never change.

She cried over on this and I had tough time making her feel relax. I can understand her pain and I can understand what she is going through, after all not every men is the same, every men and every women is different , takes different approach to deal with situations. some succumb to pressure some don’t.

Most men dread the ”Do I look fat in these clothes ?” questions asked by their girlfriend’s and wives , confused whether to tell a lie to not offend them and simply tell them the truth. but some men  miss no chance to criticize their partners over weight gain and how ugly she look. these men feel ashamed of being seen with their partners at social event and public place. a woman should be a strength for her man and any woman can do it irrespective of her body ratio and looks unless man takes his woman with confidence and strong enough to be with  her under any circumstances , everything is easy. but if situations is different and similar to my friends things do become ugly.

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Little do these men know that their alleged constructive criticism can be quite damaging to their women’s emotional well – being.

In most cases when a woman gains weight , she is unhappy about it. she never feel easy in gaining weight, as long as her partner has no problem with her weight issues she is happy , the moment she feels her partner is critical about her weight ,it become difficult for a woman to deal with it. This can happen with anyone , college goers to professionals who are the part of the society are more open to their bodies emotionally and sexually now, they are more open to discussion and open to feedback of any kind in fitness and relationships. this adds to pressure as people speak and it throws a direct impact on woman or a man who has fat issues. since here we are talking about woman ,lets keep it to woman.

College goers have age insecurities and professionals have pressure from society to look good. be it a man or a woman. a man with a paunch is considered a sign of prosperity while women are expected to achieve size zero. housewives as they consider it a part of their role to satisfy their family needs and wants, and end up feeling inadequate when criticized for their weight.

Women tend to be sensitive about their physical appearance and do tend to take care of looking attractive for their partners. its very important for a men to know that women looks at themselves through their partner’s eyes.so when they hear complaints about their weight from them they are likely to feel bad. they may feel inferior and may also worry about their physical intimacy with their boyfriend/husband. on the other hand ,when criticism is taken positively , they may be motivated to lose weight and try to live up to their partner’s expectations as subsequently  they want to be accepted by them.

getty_rf_photo_of_woman_grasping_bathroom_scale                          Here are the few advices I would like to give to men.

Men need to understand that being overweight is often a vicious cycle of emotional eating. I have seen it and I understood it and I never like to put my woman under pressure of losing weight since I know if taken care properly this can be back to normal.

a ) Society is already putting women under lot of pressure and the most important person in their lives also being critical will only add to this problem. never criticize woman over weight issues. instead ,advice should be given positively. it should be a positive conversation not a criticism. it can also be said in a way which only helps woman in loosing weight as she gains weight will only invites to boredom , disease ,unhealthy life style and laziness. there are ways to say a same thing in a different manner yet deliver a right message.

b) Women need to be encouraged to stay healthy , fit and happy with all the focus not being on the weighing scale.

c) Support your partner and establish that weight need not to be equated with self – esteem.

d) Take part in activities as a couple like sports or dance which both enjoy and make keeping fit fun.

Here boyfriend’s or husbands or men need to be observant enough to their women. its very important that men should observe their women.

I do not wish to say more here since I guess men who are ignorant enough will still not understand what I am trying to say here. my friend left with a smile after talking to me that day and I hope her man will understand her soon and everything will be fine. but unfortunately it takes a lot to fight with the society you live in for your partner. here I really give a pat to myself for being different with other as I am strong enough to fight with this society for my woman. I will never and I do not wish to treat my woman like this and ever want tears to her eyes, men and woman both are strength to each other and its a responsibility of a man to stay strong with his woman under any circumstances and be with her at all times no matter what happen.

I only wish to be a pole of strength to my woman and only to instill confidence in her and to make her feel emotionally well being.

The Eye of an Abstract

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Eye of an abstract need no rules and no regulations. its just him and his camera and his creativity , no matter what he clicks ,its has to be something new ,something wild, something creative, something stupid, something which people call ” makes no sense”, something different and out of the box which brings new thoughts to this art. i too enjoy being different and being stupid sometimes and like to do things which makes no sense to others but to me it does have meaning in it. so one day i picked up my camera and reached out to this world to click no matter what i click and clicked so many of them that it slowly and slowly it had began to make meaning to me . i had no regret to what i had achieved since to me an art need no language or no explanation ,all it need an eye to match the creativity.