My heart beat says – I Love You



Even before god gave me life,even before i took my first breath,even before i started walking on my toes and even before i spoke my first word –  God gave me you.

On the death bed ,here i am in the hospital breathing my last breath,tears in my eyes ,i can’t move ,i can’t see properly ,i can’t even breathe properly ,but i am still alive ,here i am on the bed waiting for someone.

I can see my friends around me , my parents ,my sister ,brother uncle and aunt but why i can’t see you ,i can’t see you since you are not here ,i can’t see you since my eyes are looking for you but even then you are hard to find.these are the last moments of my life that’s what the doctor said,i heard him saying this to my family.he don’t want me to know this but i know even if he don’t tell me ,its me who is going through this all pain and suffering ,i know how much i am hurt ,i know how much of it is curable,i may live ,i may not live but my love for you will remain alive forever.

All this suffering may have become small if i had seen you here,your smile to die for which i always wanted to see on your face, one look at your face was good for me to make my day,your shining bright eyes were strong enough for me to enlighten my kiss from you had the power to keep me energize the entire day,a warm hug was  almost curable to any pain i suffer from.i need all this baby, i need you tonight.i am here on the bed in the hospital waiting for you and only you, my heart beat says i love you ,but why i can’t see you.come to me honey ,come to me ,i am dieing here.taking my last breath,hoping these will last long enough for me you to see one time,just one time.all this pain will disappear if i just see you one last time,i may not return to you after this but atleast i will die in peace.i want to die in your lap rather here on this bed,holding your hands like the way i held it this far.there is no peace in this world better than holding your hands right next to my heart which says all the time i love you.

It was my girl friend’s birthday and i decided to make a surprise visit to her.this was the day i had waited for a year since her last birthday when i was not with her.i can’t imagine i missed her birthday so many times, i was not ready to miss it this time.i had made plans for her that how i am going to surprise her ,how i am going to give her a present and will kiss her and hug her ,embraced her in my arms and will say those magical words , i love you baby.

I was really excited with all this and was in full of joy since it was her birthday and i was seeing her after a long time,she was not expecting me to come by but i just wanted to give her a surprise.i booked my plane tickets and decided to leave two days before her birthday to be there on time on her birthday, i had to buy gift for her from her city so i planned everything in advance ,booked my tickets ,spoke to my dear friend and told her about my plans ,she agreed to take part in it since she was also excited to see me after a gap and this all was supposed to be lot of fun.

The day came when i had to board the flight i spoke and told my parents about it ,they gave me their much needed wishes and i left my home early in the morning since i had a flight at 4 am.

Yes my girl friend lived in another city and me in different but even then we kept our love alive since we were truly ,madly and deeply in love with each other.the connection ,the energy ,the spark,passion ,love and respect was there in our relationship and it was on the high at all times.

All this made me not to wait any longer and to give her a surprise on her birthday.i boarded a taxi and reached the airport in no time.all this through while travelling to the airport ,memories of our time spent together flashed in my mind and in no time i was at the check in desk ,checked in my luggage ,got the boarding pass and in no time i was in the plane.

The plane took off , i was just so happy and so excited to see my baby again,wanted to kiss her so bad,wanted to hug her tightly in my arms.just wanted to see how happy she is going to be when she will see me in her arms.nothing beats the smile on her face which has always made me happy,always gave me energy.i just loved her so much.

Window seat in the airplane was something i always wanted to have.i have always enjoyed the window seat since it allowed me to look outside,the sun ,the moon ,the earth at night looked amazing and breath taking.

I remember looking outside the window.enjoying the view but then something unthinkable happened.i saw two flash light coming down from the sky ,two big balls of lights coming straight on to the earth,i could not see properly what it was or what caused it since the plane was in the clouds at the high altitude.i remember seeing a kind of volcanic eruption in the sky or may be some kind of giant metal ship hovering right on top of the was not a disc and it was not a cigar shaped ship it was a huge triangle.a big one ,never before i had seen this kind of thing.all my imagination went blank ,i failed to think anything ,i failed to sense  when a spectacle like this happened right in front of my eyes.i remember passengers in the plane screaming and in panic ,it was painful to see all this since we were right in the mid air and not on earth.we wanted to land safely on earth.

It felt like the space ship was shooting at the surface of the earth, i guessed the plane descended a little i could felt we were below the clouds and were able to see the surface but this ship was still on top of us ,it was so big that it blocked the sunlight and the earth surface beyond it went all dark.what is this happening ,i asked myself ,i looked around but no one was in the condition to answer my question.every body was panicking in the plane, i guess so as the pilot because i could felt his tension,the plane was not stable anymore.

We had no idea where we going to land since there was no airport we were flying on top of the mountains ,where are we ? what’s going to happen to us ? what are these things? why all this is happening ? i had so many question but no one to answer those.i had no idea where to look at ,what to do ?

I realized that its not only the ship which was shooting at the earth but also humans firing back to the ship.i saw a ballistic missiles hitting the ship from the surface and a loud noise of boom,the sound was so huge that it shaked the plane seemed like humans were firing all kind of weapons back to the ship.i saw army jets flying right at the ship and doing acrobats in the mid air to dodge the laser beams from the was war between aliens and humans which was happening right now ,right in front of my eyes in the mid air.and we were all trapped right in the middle of this war.

Soon i felt like i have lost sense of fear in my mind.i thought about my girl friend ,i knew the end was near, there was no way that we were able to come out of this war alive , we were right in the middle of the war and any missile could have hit the plane anytime.i thought of my baby that how bad its going to be for her and for me that i died like this and she will never know about it since she never knew that i was flying to her to give her a birthday surprise.she will never come to know that the plane which got caught in the middle of the war was the plane i which i was flying.i spoke to god one last time and prayed and wished my girlfriend all the happiness in the world,may be it was my destiny to have it end like this though i never wanted but may be it had to end it like this.memories flashed in my mind the time which we had spent together.

In the middle of the plane shaking violently i opened my carry bag and took out the picture of my girl friend and looked right into her eyes.i prayed to god that please keep this smile alive on her face and today at this very moment i am taking away all her pain.i looked outside with her picture in my hand ,i see a light shining brightly coming right to the plane,it was a ballistic missile launched from the earth surface to shoot down the airplane ,i knew this is the end ,i closed my eyes and a loud noise boom.

It was the year 2012,the year of alien invasion.

I opened my eyes ,i was on the bed in the hospital , i realized this was my place since i saw my people when i opened my eyes were heavy and i was in pain and i could not breathe.i heard doctor saying that i will not live long and will die soon because of my looked like i was the only survivor in the plane accident since i saw the flashing lights of the cameras right at the door of my ward with the security ,my miraculous escape was the national news .every body thought i am still alive because i was lucky i thought god gave me the reason to escape for few more moments.there was a reason why this all happened.

But i am also human,i cried ,more than my pain it was the pain of not being with my girl friend,it was the pain of not being with her in my last moments ,i thought it was all in vain when i know that i have few moments to go and she is not here with me to hold my of my life with her and events on the plane ran in my mind like a movie.

I looked around , i saw my family ,my uncle aunts,sister ,brothers ,cousins every body and i also saw her .

She was here ,she was here, right here with me ,my eyes opened wide to take a good look,my heart beat ran fastly and i started breathing again heavily.yes she was her ,she was really here , i saw her coming to me slowly and slowly ,her face also got visible to my eyes and her smile which i could have died for was there.she came near to me right next to my ear and said ‘Baby you wanted me to be with you ,here i am honey and will be here with you till your last breathe.’ This is all i wanted to hear ,i was in peace now ,i was so much in peace and joy ,i felt my pain disappearing from my body there was no stress and no tension in my mind because now i knew for sure that my baby also loved me. i looked at her face ,her eyes were wet ,she was not ready to smile but she kept it for me,it was tough i know ,tough for me also to see her cry.

i rest her head right next to my heart to make her listen to my heart beat which says – I LOVE YOU.

I closed my eyes and i was in peace.

For her it was an ACCIDENT – To me it was my DESTINY

An old man ,frail looking , not walking with the help of a stick , with a cell phone in his upper pocket ,comes to Finsbury Park,sits on a bench and does nothing,he just sits there from morning to evening.he carries a bag ,in which he got a bottle of milk,three sandwiches,a newspaper,a bottle of water,a pen , a notepad and couple of eye glasses.he just sits there with all these items in his bag from morning to evening and don’t move till 6 pm.who is the man ? why is he here ? what makes him do this everyday? is he normal or abnormal? or is he waiting for someone ?

These are the questions which always used to pop up in my mind everytime when i used to see this man at Finsbury Park.he always encouraged me to ask questions with his daily routine.but i never had a courage but one day i did get an oppertunity.

Not long ago when i was in London,i used to live in Finsbury Park.Finsbury Park is an amazing neighbourhood to live has a huge commercial park for people which is also known as Finsbury Park.since Finsbury Park is quite big the entire locality got a name under this park.i had great time staying here since it was really nice neighbourhood with everything available and nice people and yes offcourse not to forget a huge park.

I was in the habbit of going to the park and jog for about an was really nice since it had made my entire day and i always felt like full of energy at work throughout.

This was the time in the morning when i used to see this old man coming to the park and sit on the bench ,he used to stay there for long period of time.well i never had any idea for how long he stayed there since morning but i was told by people that this man stays here since morning till evening.

It was amazing ,i was here in this locality for quite sometime now but  i had never seen  a man with this mental toughness and at this age , i guess the way he looked like he must be about 70 plus.Either winter ,rain ,summer or spring but this man never missed a single day to come to Finsbury Park.

There are plenty of old folks used to come to the park for walking at night or in the morning but this one stayed in my mind for his unusual attitude.he really intrigued me and others also,where others decided not to speak to this old man and left him on his own i decided to walk up to him and talk.

I had this in my mind for quite a long time but i never got courage to speak to him coz i was hesitant. but i knew the day will come and i will ask him the question i had in my mind for so long.i had not to wait for too long and the day came when i got a chance to talk to him.slowly and slowly i approached him,i was breathing heavily and was tense.

I sat right next to him, he looked at me and i looked right into his eyes.for some reason i cud not get my eyes off him,his eyes were still so young ,it felt like that his eyes were dieing to shed tears or were waiting for someone.he looked at me, deep into my eyes and i looked into his. i smiled at him and he smiled too.

Even before i asked him a question he said

OLD MAN :- You must be thinking who i am and what i am doing here ?

ME :-  ‘Yes sir you are right ‘

OLD MAN:-  ‘I am staying here in this locality for a very long time now and i have lived here ever since i met my girlfriend.

i was kind of confused i said ‘what sir what ?

OLD MAN :-  ‘I had a girl friend who i loved from the bottom of my heart, i loved her so much that i left everything for her to be with her.she was the only one i loved in my entire life, i loved her till eternity.we had so many plans , we planned about our future,we planned about our kids and everything one couple would plan for.we were committed to each other ,we were loyal,honest and faithfull to each other .

ME :-  ‘Sounds really nice to me ‘so she must be very happy with you right ,since she got a man who loved her so much ,right ‘ ?

OLD MAN :-  ‘She is not with me son ‘.

I was like ok, what’s going on here .

ME :-  ‘Oh ok ! what happened then ?’

OLD MAN :- ‘ One day she left and left me a message which reads ‘It was an accident .you and me meeting together was an accident.she left me here all alone to fight against all odds and i am still waiting for her ,because i knew she loved me too and i still love her ,my love for her never fainted and it grew more and more and more with every day and every night. she left me, son.

I was in the state of shock i did not know how to react what to say ,what to do.

OLD MAN :- ‘ But i don’t blame her son,may be i was not the guy for her ,she  married to someone offcourse ,i always wanted to see her happy and fine ,i don’t know where is she now but all i want her to be happy and fine where ever she is.

My throat was chocked and i was speechless ,i saw a man who was in love and still in love with the girl he lived with ages ago and he is still with her.

OLD MAN :- ‘Our love story started right here on this bench when one day she came here and sat right next to me ,right here on this bench we smiled and kissed each other , right here on this bench we hugged and planned for future,this is the bench where it all started son,this is where it all started and this is where she left me a note ,but i still believe that one day my baby will come to me and will see how much i loved her.i never wanted anything in life but her and her happiness but she left me with my share of happiness, sweet memories to cherish ,the time i spent with her will here to stay with me forever.i come here on this bench every single day since i know that she is still here right next to me on this bench and watching me the way she used to do it.

I could not stop there for long next to the old man , i walked away from him silently without saying a word , i knew that his wait will never be over and he is happy being in this condition since he loved one woman and could not loved another,he was so loyal and faithful that he still come to the same place where he met her and still believe that she will come to him.

It was 6 pm and i saw this old man walking away from the bench slowly and slowly ,slowly slowly he fades away from my eyes ,i knew, it was the time for him to go home and reboot himself for another day where he will come again and sit on this bench for the entire day where he met his sweetheart ages ago.For his sweetheart it was an accident but to him it was his destiny.

Small Small thingy

Hey what man, what ? things like these are quite common these days you know . i am quite often get caught up with this kind of thingy.when things like this dont work right for me , I GO CRAZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

Hey i tell you what, if you are reading my post coz you thought that i write quite well and you gona lend me a job as a god damn content writer. i say GO FUCK URSELF HOMIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE .

Oh well !!

So where were we ?

You know something ? i love writing and i don’t think much while writing.when i write i just write and i speak my mind ,you like it or dont’ i don’t care .

I never asked you to read my post or something .i am doing it for myself not for you ,so don’t go crazy over me when i do something like this .i am human and its my will is under my control.

So you know i was going crazy over my laptop.i love my laptop though ,i bought it in london. its such a nice looking laptop black in color and it works awesome i got windows 7 in it and its cool , i am happy with it.

Hey the problem is that god damn Sony Vegas 11 Pro is not working on this one. i don’t know why homie.i think it has got some kind of error  in many complications with the softwares you know.

I tell you something , this software, i downloaded from the torrents website and cracked it.

What were you thinking ? i am gona buy a software which gona cost me 500 $ are  crazy nigga ?

This is ain’t happening.

Oh well ! hey if you don’t like my post stop reading it , i am not forceing you to get your eyes on it .got it . you better mind it homie.

So we were talking.

You know small small things like these may make you go crazy .i love everything which i got with me like my stuff you know .my laptop,games,movies,music, my comics,bags ,shoes ,clothes and stuff and yeah not to forget my god damn girlfriend.oopsyy !!!  🙂

So you know when something goes wrong with any of these things i go crazy , it becomes very tough for me to even breathe when things don’t go right.oh well, people say its under your control , its in your hands, you control ur destiny , i say shit pal.

you can’t control everything ,sometimes you need to let go things and flow.

Don’t try to control everything , you can’t master it so let’s not do this.

So you know what i ain’t got nothing much to say about it .

The thing is , i am gona get my laptop format completely and gona get it windows 7 install again and gona get sony vegas again , i hope it will start working again.

Till then i can just chill pal